Tag Archive for: #foreverfamily

This is the second in a series of assignments that I had for the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. This was a very meaningful project for me, as I too was adopted, but I had found a forever family when I was only months old.  Many of the children I documented in this series were not so fortunate, spending years in a system that passed them from one home to another until DTFA stepped in and helped them find a stable home life and loving forever family.


“At our last track meet, CJ ran the mile. And even though he was at least a lap behind the other racers, everyone in the stands and on the team was cheering for him. ‘Go CJ!’” CJ’s mom, Dee Marks, continues with joy in her voice. “That’s exactly what life is supposed to be about: cheering for the people who are trying their hardest.”

Dee and CJ’s story didn’t start on such a high note. Diagnosed with autism, CJ came to Dee after six years in foster care with some serious behavior and communication issues. He was nine and could speak only a few words. Despite this, Dee and CJ formed a bond right away. “I decided I just wasn’t going to give up on him.” She didn’t.

Now age 13, CJ not only talks, but reads at a fifth grade level. He runs track, goes to school in a mainstream classroom, plays percussion in the band and reads aloud to his mom and sister. The teachers and caregivers who knew him a few years ago can’t believe it’s the same child.

“I have great expectations of him,” Dee says. “He’s surpassed my expectations on every level. He wants to drive someday. It may not be when he’s 16, but I believe he will reach that goal and I’m here to support him.”

“He’s who I needed and I’m who he needed.” – Dee Marks

 

CJ Marks and the Marks family photographed Monday July 25, 2016 at their Dublin, Ohio home for the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. (© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

(© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

CJ Marks and the Marks family photographed Monday July 25, 2016 at their Dublin, Ohio home for the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. (© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

(© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

CJ Marks and the Marks family photographed Monday July 25, 2016 at their Dublin, Ohio home for the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. (© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

(© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

CJ Marks and the Marks family photographed Monday July 25, 2016 at their Dublin, Ohio home for the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. (© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

(© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

CJ Marks and the Marks family photographed Monday July 25, 2016 at their Dublin, Ohio home for the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. (© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

(© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

CJ Marks and the Marks family photographed Monday July 25, 2016 at their Dublin, Ohio home for the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. (© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

(© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

CJ Marks and the Marks family photographed Monday July 25, 2016 at their Dublin, Ohio home for the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. (© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

(© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

CJ Marks and the Marks family photographed Monday July 25, 2016 at their Dublin, Ohio home for the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. (© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

(© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

CJ Marks and the Marks family photographed Monday July 25, 2016 at their Dublin, Ohio home for the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. (© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

(© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

CJ Marks and the Marks family photographed Monday July 25, 2016 at their Dublin, Ohio home for the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. (© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

(© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

CJ Marks and the Marks family photographed Monday July 25, 2016 at their Dublin, Ohio home for the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. (© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

(© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

CJ Marks and the Marks family photographed Monday July 25, 2016 at their Dublin, Ohio home for the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. (© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

(© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

CJ Marks and the Marks family photographed Monday July 25, 2016 at their Dublin, Ohio home for the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. (© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

(© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

CJ Marks and the Marks family photographed Monday July 25, 2016 at their Dublin, Ohio home for the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. (© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

(© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

CJ Marks and the Marks family photographed Monday July 25, 2016 at their Dublin, Ohio home for the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. (© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

(© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

 

 

Below is an except from a Readers Digest article written by Jen Babakhan about the Marks family:

Dee Marks was no stranger to adoption when she began the search for a daughter to adopt. Having already adopted her daughter, Marrena, Dee hoped to find another to add to their family. She began the search for a teenager, and was open to one with special needs. When a recruiter told her about a little boy that was considered “unadoptable,” Dee asked to hear more about him. “I still vividly remember that phone call. I listened to the recruiter but then mentioned that I was really looking for a girl with a cognitive disability, and wasn’t trained on how to raise a boy with autism,” Dee told Reader’s Digest. She adds, “I hated the word “unadoptable,” and told her to tell me more about this little boy. She told me that he was eight years old and had red hair. That’s what got me. I love red hair.” The little boy with red hair was considered to be difficult to find a home for due to his frequent and lengthy tantrums, and several other undesirable behaviors for a child his age. Dee explains, ” He had severe behaviors like throwing tantrums for long periods of time, throwing up to escape doing any schoolwork, screaming, and running away. He had not been taught how to play with toys, color, feed himself appropriately, or use the restroom—and he was eight years old.”

CJ had been in foster care for six years prior to meeting Dee, a period of life that had clearly been traumatic for the young boy. Dee explains, “Due to his inability to communicate when he moved in with me, I don’t have a verbal account of how horrible the experience was for him, but there were many indicators that foster care was so heartbreaking for my son.” She continues, “It was apparent within days that he had endured severe abuse. If anyone raised their voices or moved into his personal space unexpectedly, he would cover his head and move to the floor. As his new mom, it was so hard to witness.”

Over time, Dee’s hard work to communicate safety and trust to CJ began to succeed. She says, “It took time, but eventually CJ began to trust my daughter and me, and that we wouldn’t hurt him, no matter how severe his behaviors were. The first time he chose on his own to come sit with me on the couch, putting his legs right next to mine, was when I knew our bond was becoming stronger than his memories.”

CJ’s vast improvement since his adoption into Dee’s family is a testament to the great effort she put into providing him with stability. When he arrived in Dee’s home, CJ required around-the-clock care to ensure he was making progress with his development goals and safe, so Dee hired in-home support that was qualified to work with CJ and help him meet the goals set by his behavioral team. Dee believes the progress he has made can be attributed to two things. She explains, “First, the stability in my home was something that he had never experienced before. He began to see and understand that he was loved and, in spite of his behaviors, I wasn’t going to send him away. Second, during this same time period, we were able to help CJ understand visual icons for his wants and needs, which gave him the ability to communicate with us.”

Today, the red-haired little boy that would tantrum for hours is only a memory to Dee—and the pride she has for her son and the gains he’s made is apparent. She says of CJ today, “He’s 14 years old, talks all of the time, and attends classes with his typical peers at his middle school for 90 percent of the day. During the other 10 percent, CJ works with an intervention specialist on specific goals to help him advance his level of learning, like reading skills and math computation. He also plays percussion in the school band, performs in the annual school musical, runs on the track team, and is also a member of the cross-country team.”

Though the difference in her son since their first meeting is striking, she doesn’t want to mislead others to believe it’s been easy. Dee says, “I won’t lie and say that it’s easy. It isn’t. It takes dedication and a resolve to love, in spite of how hard it can be. You can’t fix a disability. Adopting a child who has special needs won’t “fix” them, but adoption gives them an opportunity to grow to their fullest potential.” She continues,” Being able to watch your child surpass the expectations of doctors, educators, and friends and family, all because you loved them and nourished their abilities, is an indescribable feeling.”

The hopes she holds for her son’s future are bright, and no longer unreachable. Dee says, “My hope is for CJ to be happy and to always feel loved. He’s had enough heartbreak in his young life. It’s time for him now to enjoy all that life has to offer.” She adds, ” One day, He will finish school and hold a job, live on his own with support, and be surrounded by family and friends. This isn’t a dream anymore, it’s a reality—because he’s got a family that stands beside him.”


Considering adoption?  Please check out this guide

Also, please prayerfully consider your financial support of this great organization.

 

Below is the first of a series of assignments that I had for the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption.  This was a very meaningful project for me, as I too was adopted, but I had found a forever family when I was only months old.  Many of the children I documented in this series were not so fortunate, spending years in a system that passed them from one home to another until DTFA stepped in and helped them find a stable home life and loving forever family.


A day with Olivia Grace Hargis and the Hargis family in Celia Kentucky photographed Saturday July 23, 2016 for the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption.

“I was nine when I first met my mom and dad,” says Olivia, now 13. “I was nervous, because that’s how I am with new people.”

Lorie and Dwain Hargis – Olivia’s adoptive mom and dad – had a few hesitations as well. “I felt like we had to be on good behavior,” Lorie says. “But I also wanted her to see the real us.”

Olivia, it turns out, likes the real them quite a bit. She talks about how well they cared for her after all her surgeries (she’s had three so far). Her dad gently carried her between the couch and the bed, and her mom fed her chicken noodle soup. They both stayed by her side as she recovered. There are lighter stories too: Olivia’s first time on an airplane, late night conversations, the family’s wonderful “weird side.” Olivia tells about the goofy things her mom does, like dancing solo on New Year’s Eve and serenading the vacuum cleaner when she thinks no one can hear. Olivia shares these stories with palpable pride and admiration.

Seeing Lorie and Dwain’s comfort with their identities has given Olivia a strong sense of who she is as well.

“She’s gained so much confidence since she’s been with us,” Lorie says. “Things just don’t bother her like they used to.”

Inspired by Olivia’s growth and the joy she’s brought to their lives, the Hargises have adopted four more children. “It can be hectic at times,” Dwayne says, “but life is what you make it. It’s nice knowing we can let these kids be kids, and we’re here to love them.”

A day with Olivia Grace Hargis and the Hargis family in Celia Kentucky photographed Saturday July 23, 2016 for the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. (© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

(© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

(© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

A day with Olivia Grace Hargis and the Hargis family in Celia Kentucky photographed Saturday July 23, 2016 for the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. (© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

(© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366) 

A day with Olivia Grace Hargis and the Hargis family in Celia Kentucky photographed Saturday July 23, 2016 for the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. (© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

(© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

A day with Olivia Grace Hargis and the Hargis family in Celia Kentucky photographed Saturday July 23, 2016 for the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. (© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

(© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

A day with Olivia Grace Hargis and the Hargis family in Celia Kentucky photographed Saturday July 23, 2016 for the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. (© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

(© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

A day with Olivia Grace Hargis and the Hargis family in Celia Kentucky photographed Saturday July 23, 2016 for the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. (© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

(© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

A day with Olivia Grace Hargis and the Hargis family in Celia Kentucky photographed Saturday July 23, 2016 for the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. (© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

(© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

A day with Olivia Grace Hargis and the Hargis family in Celia Kentucky photographed Saturday July 23, 2016 for the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. (© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

(© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

A day with Olivia Grace Hargis and the Hargis family in Celia Kentucky photographed Saturday July 23, 2016 for the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. (© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

(© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

A day with Olivia Grace Hargis and the Hargis family in Celia Kentucky photographed Saturday July 23, 2016 for the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. (© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

(© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

A day with Olivia Grace Hargis and the Hargis family in Celia Kentucky photographed Saturday July 23, 2016 for the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. (© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

(© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

A day with Olivia Grace Hargis and the Hargis family in Celia Kentucky photographed Saturday July 23, 2016 for the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. (© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

(© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

A day with Olivia Grace Hargis and the Hargis family in Celia Kentucky photographed Saturday July 23, 2016 for the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. (© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

(© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

A day with Olivia Grace Hargis and the Hargis family in Celia Kentucky photographed Saturday July 23, 2016 for the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. (© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

(© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

A day with Olivia Grace Hargis and the Hargis family in Celia Kentucky photographed Saturday July 23, 2016 for the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. (© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

(© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

A day with Olivia Grace Hargis and the Hargis family in Celia Kentucky photographed Saturday July 23, 2016 for the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. (© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

(© James D. DeCamp | http://www.JamesDeCamp.com | 614-367-6366)

 

Below is an except from a Readers Digest article written by Jen Babakhan about the Hargis family:

Dwain and Lorie Hargis were nearing a stage in life that most parents either dread or welcome with open arms: they were almost empty nesters. With their two biological children grown with lives of their own, Dwain and Lorie were unsure of their next step. Lorie recalls, “I turned to God, as I often did, and just said ‘Whatever you want me to do with my life, I’ll do it’. That very day my husband brought home a phone number for a foster agency.” Over the years, the Hargis’ fostered almost two dozen children of all ages and abilities. “We didn’t really put any stipulations on what “type” of child we would take, and were very open to anything they called us for,” Lorie explains.

When they got the call for Olivia, they never expected her to be anything more than another child they fostered. Olivia had been placed in foster care when she was four, and experienced being moved to five different homes within seven years. During that time she quickly learned the ropes of foster care, and how to get a new placement when she wanted one. Lorie explains, “Olivia learned how to play the system. If she didn’t like the home, she would do things that would make most people ask themselves ‘What were we thinking?’ She knew when she was wanted, and when she wasn’t.”

The Hargis’ open their homes and hearts to almost every child they are contacted about, and they offer to adopt each child that is adoptable. “Once we met Olivia, it seemed very natural for her to be with us, Lorie recalls. ” After all, she even looked like our biological daughter with blonde hair and blue eyes. It absolutely broke our hearts to hear how she had lived her young life up to that point. She was a free spirit and full of life and excitement. Not too many things affected her since she had already learned to block things out,” she continues.

Their two biological children echoed Dwain and Lorie’s thoughts on fostering children and adoption. Her daughter, a cosmetologist, will often do Olivia’s hair and other big sister activities. Her son is in the Air Force, but spends as much quality time as he can when he’s home with the children his parents have fostered and adopted. Lorie says, “They both have asked on different occasions, ‘Why didn’t you do this when we were growing up?’ They are now 26 and 24 years old and treat each one of the fosters or adoptive kids as their own siblings.”

Although Olivia had experienced hardships in her young life, she eventually learned that she could trust Dwain and Lorie. Lorie recalls,”She was very used to people giving up on her, and not wanting her. She tried to test the waters with us. When she figured out we weren’t going to give up, she finally learned to trust and love us as her parents.”

Dwain and Lorie say that their dreams for Olivia are big, and no matter what, she will have their support. “Olivia knows she is well-supported with whatever she decides to do with her life. Now, there is a reason to believe that she will change the world. We hope that she takes what she has known with us and continues to spread the kindness and love that has been shown to her into her adult life,” Lori explains.

She adds,” We have always told our adoptive children, “When it’s time for you to go into this big world by yourself, you will be confident in knowing you are well equipped to spread your wings and fly.”


Considering adoption?  Please check out this guide

Also, please prayerfully consider your financial support of this great organization.